Trigger Happy. Recovering Rover.My name is Nica and I'm an emotion extremist. English

I died my hair ginger, because I’m cool like that, you know…
I’m leaving today for London, excited and scared!!!! And fucking broke.
My personal account is @knicaas if any of you want to follow, I haven’t posted yet, but I will soon!!!

Went over to my friends this morning to say goodbye - I was fed a cheese toastie for breakfast, then half a lardy cake, SOOOO GOOOOD! And half a chocolate eclair!
I also tried Thai coffee, pretty good shit right there, yumm!
Do you or have you ever tracked macros? And what is you macro ratio now?

Yes I have, currently I do not for various reasons. Because of that, I currently have no ratio

Would you consider making a video??

Of what?

Just cause I loved this outfit.

I have a bed to sleep in in London, happy girly. 
I will probably not be posting on here too much until I am settled, found a gym, worked out what my life is and sorted out a routine.
I’m thinking of starting a personal insta…I’m not sure if people will be interested in that, but if you will let me know!!
My life will probably be on there, including outfits and work that I’m doing.
Living, eating, breathing fashion from now on, probably until I die. Oh lord!
What did a days worth of food look like when you were wrapped up in your eating disorder?

Why do people ask questions like these. Why is anyone interested? I don’t believe anyone is genuinely just curious about this, I believe there is some bad intention behind the question.

I rarely share specific information on anything to do with my diet ever. Not because it’s some amazing secret, but because people need to eat their own thing, not what I’m shovelling down my gob!

Was your pregnancy planned?

No, but that doesn’t mean it was less meaningful to me.

Wait, do you have a child? Sorry, I'm new to your blog.

No, I had a miscarriage.

Hi ! How long did it take you to be less tired by all the exercices and diet change? (Cara)

Quite a long time, and if I get out if the routine I really suffer also.
I have anaemia which contributes towards tiredness also, really I’m tired all the time and I could sleep all day, but that definitely isn’t a option,
Make sure you are eating enough when you exercise and fatigue shouldn’t hug you so strong!

I’m currently in the process of relocating to London, which in sure many of you can imagine is stressful as hell!
I have a place to find in a week so everything is up in the air.
I applied for university last year and got rejected by them all, I was going through my pregnancy at the time of my interviews which I was very ill with, and being so Ill mentally myself I just wasn’t prepared at all. Being declined by all 5 was a real knock to my confidence and I’ve been licking the wound every since.
A friend convinced me to apply, which I did and some how I got in this year, I only applied Tuesday last week and had a interview Friday, but I am not a fashion design student which I find totally bloody Incredible and unbelievable.
I have such little faith and confidence in myself and that’s something I find impossible to work on, in fear of becoming big headed or stuck up, it’s never a good thing to think you are the best…but then again I guess it’s never a good thing to think you are the worst!

So anyway, a quick post to say I will be absent for the next few weeks guys, expect a post here and there but otherwise I’m just going to be like a headless chicken trying to get my life In order!!

80 something lbs compared to 110lbs.

Gaining almost half my body weight back didn’t mean I was going to literally double in size.

It meant I would gain my muscle back, grow a booty, rediscover my personality and give myself the chance at excelling in life.

I look different sure, but it’s definitely for the better! 

#edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #prorecovery #selfrecovery #recovery #healthyeating #healthyliving #weightgain #weightrestored #bodydysmorphia #anorexia #bulimia #ednos #edsoilder #transformation
Hotchpotch lunching.
No food in the house, so I use the tools I’m left with.
Stole some tuna from mumma, some soup from the bro and half a pack tomato and cheese tortellini, it’s good actually,
Although I’m full.
#edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #recovery #prorecovery #selfrecovery #edsoilder #lunch #intake #healthyliving #healthyeating
My complete lack of body fat on my upper body infuriates me, and I’m not saying I have none, I’m not deluded, I’m saying I have very little.
It makes building muscle a ridiculously hard task, it means I’m still very weak when it comes to upper body exercises and it also means I still look underweight, take the picture on top as an example of this.
I refuse to give I to my disorder and contort my body in ways that play to it’s need to see bones.
I’m completely disgusted with the fact my upper body is so skinny, all I want is to build more muscle so I can look balanced. I guess I’m trying to say I can either view myself as ‘a lard covered fat failing anorexic’ or I can view myself as a ‘lean, muscle building, upper body battling recovery machine’ - and I prefer the prospects that the later promises.

My legs progress as such a fast rate, yet I’m still here, with my upper body looking like I’ve never picked a weight up in my life.

You gota ask yourself how you are going to choose to view your body? If you chose to let yourself manifest negative thoughts when you take pictures of yourself trying to achieve maximum vid able bones then you aren’t going to get far, and that’s the gods honest truth, you are going to fall slap bang on your face and recovery isn’t going to work.

I’m completely weight restored to anyone wanting to ask, i weight in at 110lbs and that figure increases monthly. I’m 5ft2.5 also, for everyone constantly asking me.

#edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #selfrecovery #prorecovery #recovery #edsoilder #bodydysmorphia #bodyissues #weightgain #weightrestored #fuckyouanorexia
These jeans make my lower stomach look bloated, I hate jeans for that very reason alone.
My first hen party ever, it was amazing and Iove socialising!
Do you do your squats with weights? I couldnt imagine doing 200 squats with weights! :O

Why can’t you imagine doing that?
I do many different types. Body weight and weighted. And the range of weight depends aswell. On leg day I will go my heaviest and that will only be for 5 reps so I can solely build my strength up, but on glute day I will lower the weight and do much more.

Yesterday I went to a birthday party, and I learnt how Filipinos party - and that it with lots and lots of food, and hey it would be rude to turn down food.
I think they made it their mission to feed me enough to last me a century as I am so ‘skinny’ to them,
I ate 2 plates of ‘buffet’ food - rice, squid and veg, Thai style squid and noodles, 5 homemade mahoosive spring roles, 2 slices of Asian custard cake, 1 slice mocha cake, 1 slice carrot cake and 4 sweet buns,
My belly had so much fun, it was amazing you know. Just yum, cake, I love it!

I just made a tasty ass omelette aswell. And these ate my favourite jeans at the moment and I’m so so exciting thinking about cake, mmmm cake!! 🎂🎂

#fearfood #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #edsoldier #fuckyouanorexia #weightrestored #ootd