Trigger Happy. Recovering Rover.My name is Nica and I'm an emotion extremist. English

Hotchpotch lunching.
No food in the house, so I use the tools I’m left with.
Stole some tuna from mumma, some soup from the bro and half a pack tomato and cheese tortellini, it’s good actually,
Although I’m full.
#edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #recovery #prorecovery #selfrecovery #edsoilder #lunch #intake #healthyliving #healthyeating
My complete lack of body fat on my upper body infuriates me, and I’m not saying I have none, I’m not deluded, I’m saying I have very little.
It makes building muscle a ridiculously hard task, it means I’m still very weak when it comes to upper body exercises and it also means I still look underweight, take the picture on top as an example of this.
I refuse to give I to my disorder and contort my body in ways that play to it’s need to see bones.
I’m completely disgusted with the fact my upper body is so skinny, all I want is to build more muscle so I can look balanced. I guess I’m trying to say I can either view myself as ‘a lard covered fat failing anorexic’ or I can view myself as a ‘lean, muscle building, upper body battling recovery machine’ - and I prefer the prospects that the later promises.

My legs progress as such a fast rate, yet I’m still here, with my upper body looking like I’ve never picked a weight up in my life.

You gota ask yourself how you are going to choose to view your body? If you chose to let yourself manifest negative thoughts when you take pictures of yourself trying to achieve maximum vid able bones then you aren’t going to get far, and that’s the gods honest truth, you are going to fall slap bang on your face and recovery isn’t going to work.

I’m completely weight restored to anyone wanting to ask, i weight in at 110lbs and that figure increases monthly. I’m 5ft2.5 also, for everyone constantly asking me.

#edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #selfrecovery #prorecovery #recovery #edsoilder #bodydysmorphia #bodyissues #weightgain #weightrestored #fuckyouanorexia
These jeans make my lower stomach look bloated, I hate jeans for that very reason alone.
My first hen party ever, it was amazing and Iove socialising!
Do you do your squats with weights? I couldnt imagine doing 200 squats with weights! :O

Why can’t you imagine doing that?
I do many different types. Body weight and weighted. And the range of weight depends aswell. On leg day I will go my heaviest and that will only be for 5 reps so I can solely build my strength up, but on glute day I will lower the weight and do much more.

Yesterday I went to a birthday party, and I learnt how Filipinos party - and that it with lots and lots of food, and hey it would be rude to turn down food.
I think they made it their mission to feed me enough to last me a century as I am so ‘skinny’ to them,
I ate 2 plates of ‘buffet’ food - rice, squid and veg, Thai style squid and noodles, 5 homemade mahoosive spring roles, 2 slices of Asian custard cake, 1 slice mocha cake, 1 slice carrot cake and 4 sweet buns,
My belly had so much fun, it was amazing you know. Just yum, cake, I love it!

I just made a tasty ass omelette aswell. And these ate my favourite jeans at the moment and I’m so so exciting thinking about cake, mmmm cake!! 🎂🎂

#fearfood #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #edsoldier #fuckyouanorexia #weightrestored #ootd
Yesterday I ate 2600 calories just over.
I was hungry and it didn’t even feel like a large amount.
291g carbs, 186g protein and 73g of fat. 
So my goal macros were completely off, and frankly I couldn’t care less. I actually feel some sense of achievement by completely disregarding food ‘goals’ and just eating what my damn body wants.
And I didn’t wake up looking fat, or with a big swollen stomach, or some nasty arse stomach pains from my digestive system shutting down.

At one point in my eating disorder I was scared to go over 20g carbs a day, that is absolutely ridiculous! I was terrified of the thought of not being in ketosis and if I ate just 1g over I would punish myself with laxatives and a strict fasting regime.
I was ridiculous, irrational, mad and extremely unhappy and trapped. It makes me feel sick to think I was love that, and it makes me feel sick to think about having to have my carbs that low again.

I now sit at 30lbs heavier than that point in my life, and I feel nothing but accomplishment for every single calorie of food I’ve consumed, every kg of fat I’ve put on and every lb of muscle I have gained back and grown from new.

So fuck you eating disorders, and fuck the thoughts of not being allowed to eat and being disgusting if your body is ‘covered’ in fat - because I fucking love all my fat and it won’t going nowhere!

#edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #prorecovery #selfrecovery #recovery #bodydysmorphia #weightgain #weightrestoration #musclegain #eatingdisorder #anorexia #ednos #bulimia #fuckyouanorexia #edsoldier
I did sprints.
Then I trained chest and triceps.
Then I realised I lost my car keys.
Came home after a traumatic experience and are Nutella on toast.
Now I’m sat eating bulgur wheat with red cabbage and pink salmon whilst I watch tmo cruise shoot things.
#edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #prorecovery #selfrecovery #recovery #weightgain #weightrestoration #weighttraining #strengthtraining #weightlifting #workout #gym #fitness #chestday #healthyliving
why did you and your ex break up?


Have some ab action.

Staying with my sister in London for the weekend. So no exercise for 4 days for me, but my stomach is totally fine with that as it feels like it may die today it hurts so bad. 
Bought fishy fishies for dindins and had French toast for breakfast.
Having your life free from the rules of low calories and weight loss is amazing.
And I happen to think that I look the best in my life now that I’ve decided I love calories and food and fat and protein and sugar.


#edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #prorecovery #selfrecovery #recovery #abs #strongcore #weightgain #weightrestoration #weightlifting #strengthtraining
Other than protein powder, do you take any supplements

I would like to, but I’m a student and I prefer to spend my ‘spare’(not so spare at all) cash on clothes!

I've just started the awesome journey of lifting weights. Do you mind tell me how long it took you to develop those awesome arms (and back of yours)? Or at least when muscle became noticeable?

Well I’ve been in recovery for almost 14 months now, so that is how long it has taken.
Muscle takes a long time to develop, I won’t be looking all fancy and muscley for a long time I reckon as I just don’t have the muscle maturity.

Patience is key when sculpting a bodayyyyyy!

If i could hazard a guess somewhere around 15-16% body fat??

People have said around that amount. Even the pt, who was shocked when he registered it at 20%!

Hey! What is your opinion on the 801010 diet or banana girl diet?

I don’t have an opinion because it’s something I’ve never done myself, and can’t really have an opinion when I haven’t had first hand experience.
I think it’s limiting and unbalanced. It’s also extremely ‘healthy’ in terms of the types of foods you consume also.
A human needs more protein than that to sustain muscle, that what I believe anyway,
It’s not something I would adopt myself, but it’s something I’ve taken a small interest in, just to the point of following people on Instagram who follow that lifestyle, just because I love how their meals look and I respect them greatly.

what is minnie maud? i see on every girls that recover from anorexia tagg this name or whatever is minnie maud

It’s s theory on a 3000 intake during recovery!

I look happy right!
Periods suck. And my implant makes them super irregular, nothing for a full year and now one every week that lasts about 2 days.
Fuck off, seriously, I don’t need this shit!!
I’m cooking CURRY for dinner - a massive fucking fear but legit one of my favourite foods when I don’t let my eating disorder get embarrassed by the fact I love it!
I’m having cod korma (making it from a paste and coconut milk) with cardamom wild rice, yummm!
Mango for ma dessert too!!!!
#edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #prorecovery #selfrecovery #recovery #healthyeating #healthyliving #eatclean #cleaneating #girlproblems #fearfood